Every year at the Struggle Hill Climb, we've tried to increase the diversity of the start list by offering to sponsor female riders (last year's national champs team of "older" women) or more broadly riders from under-represented communities (every other year).
A hill climb in the Lake District is a pretty niche thing within an already niche sport that doesn't scream gender or racial diversity at the best of times. We've been honoured that riders have stepped up to be in our little squads. We've been delighted that they were often people that just wouldn't have entered if we hadn't offered the meagre incentive of paid entry. So this year, amongst a team of brilliant women, we were especially delighted to welcome our first non-binary sponsored rider, Ali.
They responded to our open call bravely, and with vulnerability. So we welcomed them in with open arms. Here's Ali's version of what the experience was like for them - put together with photos kindly contributed by brilliant photographers James Vincent and Lewis Guy.
I first rode up The Struggle in 2021 on a nearly 50kg touring mountain bike that was a bit small for me. I’d looked at the OS map and thought “I want to get over to the North Lakes today, I’ve got to go to Ambleside anyhow, may as well go up that road”.
I honestly don’t know how I missed the fact that it is steep beyond the first 500m, but I was surprised over and over again as I ascended. The climb took me over an hour but the sense of achievement at the end and the hot chocolate at the Kirkstone Inn tasted literally and metaphorically delicious. So when I saw there was a race up it… that piqued my interest alright!
Racing has always been something I’m curious about. The idea of pushing yourself, striving to achieve for the sake of seeing how fast you can do something fills me with a sense of quiet curiosity. What does it mean, and how does it feel to put yourself out there like that? So when I’ve watched The Struggle Hill Climb happen from afar, there’s been a niggling feeling. What if I tried racing it?
Photos by Lewis Guy
The thing is, as a non-binary person racing explicitly as my genuine self is not really an option in the UK. As someone AFAB I could just enter the women’s category but there’s a feeling of “meh, not for me” that I have about that. If I’m racing, I don’t think I’ll win, so I’d like to race for me. Which means racing and being honest about my gender in that. Racing as myself.
Enter Cold Dark North and their kindness. After encouragement from a friend, I sent a message in after mulling it over for a week. I quote: “I just don't feel like there's space for me!”
From the get go, CDN have been super supportive and made me feel totally accepted and welcomed. It turns out all I needed was someone to back me. Their sponsorship has proved to me that I can race, that I’m badass to race, that I’m encouraged to race! Getting the message to say I was selected as a sponsored rider was frankly, overwhelming. It meant so much to be seen as someone worth sponsoring, even though I don’t fit the system.
Day by day the race neared and the WhatsApp chat of our sponsored team went through waves of questions followed by calm answers from Toby and Deb. On race day, it was so great to stand around together at HQ, pinning on each other’s numbers and wondering about what was ahead as a team. Being sponsored with four women created the most wonderful atmosphere and we even welcomed a couple of other riders into our group.
My race was… well I came dead last. And yet I still feel a real sense of achievement. I felt accepted by the racing community; I felt like I deserved to be there. Everyone says a hill climb is about competing against yourself and although I didn’t really believe it, they were right. I did a damn hard thing in putting myself forward and then I did another damn hard thing by completing the race!
My nemesis on the day was a mixture of nerves and asthma which – after a good start on the first section – kicked in and absolutely decimated my breathing. My legs were pretty fine throughout but I was smashing the Ventolin in as the cold headwind picked up dust from the beautiful sunny Lakes and carried it into my lungs.
Nonetheless, something magical was that even as people overtook me, I was so glad to be there. Sure, life was pain, but I was racing with people who were absolutely killing it. And I was in some way, one of them. The sense of community in this race was wild.
After pedalling through the downhill (thanks headwind), we hit the final hairpins up to the finish and I bravely went for it. The noise from the finish line was audible even from the bottom.
Unfortunately I had to stop 500m before the end and sit by the side of the road. The asthma had gone too far and I desperately needed to prevent an attack.
But then – the crowning glory. I got back on the bike and plugged my way to the end. Something about knowing I was part of the CDN team and that I had backing was motivating. Knowing that once I got to that finish line I could stop riding helped too.
I’ve been riding the sense of achievement for at least a week. Knowing I did such a hard thing, and that I really pushed myself is special. It’s motivating! I feel like my resilience was massively increased by doing the race and the best thing about it is; I got to do it as myself through the support and acceptance of CDN.
Photos by James Vincent
I’m so grateful for the support of Cold Dark North and my teammates; Laura, Laura, Helen and Ellen. Without their backing, I wouldn’t have entered and I may not have finished either. The Struggle race sponsorship initiative is a really special one and if you’re thinking about getting involved another year, do it. Expect to be embraced warmly and cheered on to the very end.
Logistics Notes
When I signed up for The Struggle I could select my gender as non-binary. This meant I was automatically put into the Open category. Consequently I would have been seeded in the time trial starts at a different time to my teammates, so I’m very grateful to the race organisers who rejigged the start times so we could start the race consecutively.
When I checked British Cycling’s rules it turned out that because I am AFAB I can race in the Female category if I wish but for me at the moment that doesn’t feel genuine – especially as I don’t think I have much chance of placing, it’s not super important!
You can find the full results of this year's Struggle Hill Climb here. We'll be back next year. And we'll be looking for more brilliant humans like Ali who can represent themselves with such insane poise. More cowbell. Chapeau Ali and all our team of sponsored riders for 2024. We're proud to have you as our own!
Comments